I have been picking up notebooks randomly and transferring notes and Random Writings to the computer. I do a lot of writing the old fashioned way, with paper and pen. Typing them is good practice (I never learned to type properly) and I also have them backed up online. It is the slowest possible way to clean out my office and practice my typing skills, but I enjoy the little bit I do each day.
This dialog (I wrote nothing but the dialog between the two characters) is from September of 2017. As I read it, I realized I had no memory of creating it and no idea why I wrote it. I love that, but it does mean I also have no idea how to make something useful out of it. That’s a part of my life as a writer: I love to write and create, but I often have no idea what to do with things I have written. Except that now I can share them with you!
“Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman!”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do.”
“I’m not English.”
“You’re speaking English.”
“I’m American!”
“Really? How did you get here? I thought this beanstalk came down in Cornwall.”
“No, Costa Mesa.”
“That’s disappointing.”
“Why?”
“One of those is nice to holiday in…and it isn’t Costa Mesa.”
“Oh, well. I’m here, and I’d like your goose please.”
“Polite, aren’t you? Are you sure you’re not British?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Okay, if you say so. You may not have my goose.”
“Aha! Well, I’ll just have to run down this beanstalk!…Now…Down the stalk…”
“Bye.”
“You’re not following me?”
“Nope.”
“Why not?”
“I have to feed my goose.”
“Oh, Right. I have to get the goose first. Say, Giant?”
“Yeah?”
“Is your goose all hard and prickly, like Canada geese?”
“Oh no, she’s so soft.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Don’t you want to prove it to me?”
“No. I don’t want you anywhere near my goose.”
“Darn.”
“Go away now little man. I want to feed my goose, make a golden omelet, and have a nap.”
“A nap?”
“Oh yes, very tiring being a giant.”
“How on earth did you find a bed big enough for a giant?”
“I made it.”
“You made it?”
“Yes. With this axe…”
[CRASH]
“That was close!”
“I wish it was closer. Go away won’t you?”
“I can’t. I need the golden goose.”
“Why do you need her? Irma’s mine.”
“Irma?”
“Yeah, that’s her name.”
“But…Irma?”
“What’s wrong with it?”
“It’s not very goose-like, is it?”
“Maybe not, but I like it.”
“Well, no one said giants have taste.”
“Now see here…you can’t come into my castle and say I’ve got no taste.”
“Just did.”
“Get out or I’m going to pound you and toss you over the side…and it’s a very long fall.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Why!”
“Why what?”
“Why do you need Irma anyway, living in a fancy-pants place like Costa Mesa?”
“I want to start a restaurant. Serve golden omelets. Make a fortune.”
“Really? Think you will?”
“Oh yeah, people are really into weird food now. Especially gold.”
“It is the best.”
“That’s what I’ve heard.”
“Well, what if I didn’t grind your bones, and you didn’t kill me and steal Irma, but we both…you know, did it together?”
“I don’t know. Have you been in the restaurant business? It’s pretty cutthroat.”
“Never been in any business. Never needed more than this big castle, and Irma…but it is a little lonely.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“What’re you good at? You’d have to pull your weight.”
“That’s about what I’m good at: Weight pulling.”
“Cleaning?”
“Oh yeah! I’m good at scrubbing stoves!”
“It is nice and clean around here. Okay, let’s give it a go.”
“Perfect! You wait here, I’ll get Irma, you can follow me down.”
“Me. Follow you down?”
“Yeah, I’ll get Irma and you can follow me down to Costa Mesa.”
“Why don’t I just go first?”
“Oh no. You might be a new business partner, but I don’t trust you that far.”
“Well, you’ve got good instincts. Perfect for the restaurant business. Lead on!”
Unfortunately, although the story evolved in an interesting manner, it doesn’t have any context, nor a great ending. I feel like maybe I was in Costa Mesa for some reason…and there was some discussion about how weird the food was, and how Costa Mesa is just inherently funny…? I honestly don’t remember why I thought this idea was hilarious, and it doesn’t hold up without whatever magic beans I had at the time.
If you were with me, have any thoughts, or any idea what was happening to me around this story, or in Costa Mesa in September of 2017, please share.
What do you think?