I just got home from helper-shopping for septuagenarian and mom-with-toddler-genarian friends. I’m sharing a bit of reflection on that, and a potential tool with y’all in case it helps.
TL;DR: Make a list of what feels “safe” and what feels “risky” to you right now. Share it with friends and loved ones if appropriate.
First, thanks to Hilary Rushford Collyer for the recent acknowledgment that it can get super hard to be creative (write a book) when the world suddenly threatens our safety and security needs. She also talked about grief this week, and yes, there’s grief sapping our personal resources right now too.
But beyond grief, I am expanding my awareness of what makes me feel safe and secure, versus what does not.
For example, my husband CANNOT have anyone in our home at the moment. Not masked, gloved, and with shoe-booties on. Allowing anyone in makes him feel unsafe. Whereas I would be perfectly happy to have the masked, gloved, disinfected housecleaner into the house, to…lets face it…disinfect.
On the other hand, he brought in packages that had been delivered by UPS, and bags of groceries, and set them on the dining room table.
WHERE WE EAT.
Who knows where those packages have been!?!?! Who knows what floors those bags have been sitting on!?!? Didn’t bother him.
It is a way we’re different and something we need to (get to) negotiate. Talking it through builds our relationship and supports us both, but it takes energy – extra emotional energy we don’t usually have to expend.
This week I’m recognizing how we are all different. For some, enforced staying home–having to be inside–is a trigger. For others, going shopping among potentially COVID-rife strangers is a trigger.
One friend wants to know if we will accept her homemade baked goods. I’m down with it because she and her family are symptom-free and past a more than 21-day quarantine now…but I’m a little weirded out by delivery. I’d rather do curbside food pickup to support my local restaurant community, so that there isn’t yet-another person with the potential to add viral load to bags, etc.
We all have to stop and think about many little things that don’t usually take up our Life Bandwidth. Or Spoons, or Energy, or whatever metaphor works for you.
Wearing my mask anytime I leave the house gives me security. Whether it is actually saving me or not, I FEEL BETTER. So what makes you feel better, and can you add that in? What makes you feel unsafe, and can you remove it or negotiate to have someone else take that on?
Journaling or making a list of what feels “safe” and what feels “risky” right now has helped me, so I offer it to you as a potential tool in service of your own resiliency.
Sending Love,
Yvette
What do you think?